Articles / Article 200: How to Do Something (with Added Snark)

on 10 Jul 2018

A review of my 199 cyber articles posted to LinkedIn since November 2016 yields this: The best days for me to publish have been weekends and holidays. Eight of my Top Ten most popular articles were posted then. The worst days for me to publish are Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. All ten of my least popular articles were posted then. (I did not include Charlie Ciso cartoons, Daily SOC videos, or other posts in the analysis. I looked only at my feature articles.)

My most popular article ever was posted on a Sunday evening; my second most popular article was posted on a Sunday afternoon, and my third most popular article was posted two days after Christmas. Go figure. Most of my least popular articles were posted mid-week, when you all have better things to do, apparently. Only one wildly popular article – a lampoon letter I wrote for Mark Zuckerberg, was posted on a Tuesday from my beach chair in Florida (Sadly, I work on vacations).

My best articles seemed to involve me – Mr. Cyber Expert – telling you, the reader, How to Do Something. I told you how to deal with ransomware, and tens of thousands devoured the advice. I told you how to sell cyber security and how to dress properly for work, and practically a googol of you decided to click. I also found that turning up the sarcasm, as with my article that poked fun of dumb breach notifications, turned up the clicks. Added Snarkproduced Added Readers.

My worst articles seemed to involve me – Dr. Cyber Boring – pontificating on serious, college professor crap. You totally hated my long treatises on secure access, NAC, and risk management. And if I dared include GRC in a title – well, that made you think I was your IT auditor or something. One article describing my super-awesome and fascinating tech talk at the RSA Conference generated crickets, but a mischievous cartoon I posted making fun of their high conference fees absolutely killed.

I nailed up a few political articles, including a personal letter on cyber security to President Trump. The letter was hugely popular, even referenced in an academic journal – perhaps a first for an unrefereed LinkedIn post. It even spawned an awesome keynote joke: I'd say that I was inspired by Einstein's pre-WWII letter to Roosevelt on the nuclear threat, to write a similar warning on cyber to Trump. I'd then explain that when my friends protested the effort, saying that I'm no Einstein, I'd joke that I might be no Einstein, but that Trump is no Roosevelt. (C'mon, it's a great joke.)

My article back in 2016 on the Clinton email situation generated some seriously nasty personal insults, many of which I found distasteful. My purpose was simply to demonstrate that email was probably more secure in some guy's basement than in the ridiculously porous State Department perimeter-protected network. One woman didn't like the article and sent me an anonymous Gmail saying I was an “academic asshole.” I didn’t tell my wife or kids about that one, because I suspect they would violently agree.

A fun question to ask is how this, my two-hundredth LinkedIn article will do stat-wise with y’all. My expertly scientific analysis dictates – as I have explained above – that telling you How to Do Something will generate a serious click frenzy. And my expert analysis also suggests – as I have explained above – that Added Snark sells. Hence, the analytically-inspired title of this article (go back and look). This great title was programmed for clicks, clicks, and more clicks. Let’s see what happens. I sense a winner on this - my number 200.

Thanks for reading – and on to 300.